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Numbers

September 18, 2010

The problem with that whole post where I tried to thank everyone who’s ever done anything nice for us is that I forgot people.  Lots of them.  I keep thinking of people and things I left out – like the girl who cuts my hair and hasn’t let me pay her once since Brock was diagnosed, or the new friend I’ve made through another friend that I’ve never actually met but she keeps sending wonderful things to my kids in the mail.  And she sent me a gift card to J. Crew.  Or our best friends who clean our house and run home to get us stuff we forgot during unexpected hospital stays or bring us Chilis for dinner at the hospital or just sit in the PICU with us while we stare at our son.  And everytime I think of someone or something I forgot I feel horrible all over again!  Like they might think I don’t appreciate what they did because I didn’t list it.  It’s not that.  (Surely you know it’s not that, right??)  It’s just that God has blessed us so abundantly with kind people who do kind things for us that I could never possible list them all at once.  And please know that people haven’t done these things for us because Jay and I are anything great.  Or because my kids are anything spectacular.  It’s just because God is so big and so loving.

You know I’m a math person and love numbers.  We’re coming up on the 1 year “anniversary” (surely there’s a more fitting word??) of when Brock was diagnosed.  I know that in the days that come I’ll think things like “on this day last year I noticed the lump on the back of his head” or “on this day last year I noticed the petechiae on his arms” or “on this day last year we walked into the hospital for the first time…and wouldn’t walk out for another 4 1/2 months.”

But today is the day I’ve been thinking of more than those.  Nothing significant happened on this day last year.  I couldn’t tell you what we did or where we went or what my kids ate for lunch.  But today this year is a cutoff.  Today marks the day we’ve doing doing this more than we did that.  That being a life where I didn’t know what the normal ranges for hemaglobin and platelets were.  Where I had no idea what a pneumothorax or aspergillosis or a fundoplication were.  Where I didn’t know how to reconstitute iv antifungal medication and administer it through my son’s port.  Where my son didn’t have a port.  Brock was 11 months 11 days old when he was diagnosed with Leukemia.  Today marks 11 months 12 days since that day.  It is also exactly 10 months from the day that my family crowded into his PICU room to tell him goodbye for what we all thought would be the last time.

I’m so thankful we serve a might, powerful God.  Jehovah Rapha.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Barbaqra & Danny permalink
    September 18, 2010 9:31 pm

    What a wonderful picture, the prayer warriors will LOVE it.
    He looks GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Take a suggestion from an old “Nana”.
    If you just say you want to thank everyone who has done anything to help your family, they will all be happy, and you won’t have to worry about forgetting anyone that way.
    They all know who they are, they do ti because the love y’all and want to help, God knows you know they know, that’s all that counts.
    Sooooo glad he is doing so well
    We will all continue praying till you don’t need us to.
    God has richly blessed you through his whole mess.

  2. Melanie permalink
    September 18, 2010 9:53 pm

    Our God does provide amazingly, abundantly, above all that we could ask or even imagine.
    As for the pictures of Brock…I love how good he looks in the bathtub. Looks like his fundo incision is healing nicely. Is he eating OK through his tube?

    • September 18, 2010 9:59 pm

      he’s doing good! we’re bolusing about 120ccs at a time and he’s doing a lot better with it. the fundo scar is big but at least it’s healing well.

  3. Amy K permalink
    September 18, 2010 10:13 pm

    I believe I either took that picture or stood outside the room while it was taken.. I know I went home and cried that night…. And to see you stopping by the 10th floor just to say “hi” with the kids… Is truly amazing!!!

  4. Jill permalink
    September 19, 2010 7:01 am

    Oh V, we all know you can’t possibly remember every little thing someone has done to help you. And we all love you the more for it.
    It’s unbelievable the differences between last year and this. Here’s to hoping the gap between the old normal and the new normal continues to grow and Brock continues to exceed all expectations. XX’s

  5. September 19, 2010 4:04 pm

    i am beyond stunned at the hugeness of God. and that last picture? it made my ovaries sigh…adorable!

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