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But then the day comes! And that’s every bit as hard as the night.*

January 2, 2010

Well, last night sucked.  B slept most of the day yesterday and subsequently was awake all night.  Shocking, I know.  It went something like this

11:00 – lay down and try to fall asleep QUICKLY because respiratory therapy is coming at 12.

11:30 – respiratory therapy shows up early.

12:00 – try in vain to calm B down after having chest beaten by the RT.  (I said this in the hospital once and they kindly reminded me that they don’t beat children here)

12:30 – send the husband a whiny text message about how tired I am.  (ha!  if I only knew what lay ahead)

1:00 – give up trying to calm B down and ask for the “good stuff” (ativan, morphine, benadryl…in no particular order)

2:00 – having gone through all of the good stuff and seeing no results, have a moment of delusionality (is that a word? it should be) and wonder how much I could pay one of our former night shift PICU nurses to stay with B over night.  (not that the hem/onc nurses aren’t great – they are.  I mean just to have someone actually stay with him.  I told you, delusionality)

2:30 – scratch head, pace floor, and worry incessantly about why his heart rate and respiration rate is so dadgum high.  I mean, really?  70-80 breaths per minute??

2:45 – bug nurse to call the resident to come look at him

3:00 – resident comes by, orders a blood gas (thank you!) and a chest x-ray

3:15 – B spikes a fever.  finally!  an explanation for the high heartrate

3:30 – chest xray done.  B is wide awake, sitting up in crib, playing and “talking”

4:30 – mom declares play time is OVER!   lay B down and crawl into my own bed.  (I have a bed in this room!  awesome, no?!)

4:31 – listen to B babble “mamamamama….ayeeeah!…yeah, yeah, yeah,…..adaa, adaa, ayeeaah!….” repeat.  for 1 hour.

5:15 – finally give up and crawl into B’s crib with him (quite a sight, I tell you).  he’s still babbling only now he’s also trying to pull my glasses off.

6:45 – get out of crib so that I can change his diaper (that he has nearly taken off himself!)

7:00 – crawl back into my bed and FINALLY fall asleep, for the first time all “night”

8:00 – wake up when the nurse comes in with morning meds.


I sure hope it doesn’t sound like I’m complaining.  Because I’m not.  I would much much much rather be up all night with B than the alternative.


*The post title is a quote from Friends.  I watch that show entirely too much.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Melanie permalink
    January 2, 2010 8:20 pm

    You didn’t sound complainy to me. A good nights sleep is a valuable treasure. You are not delusional about wanting a PICU nurse to stay with B. I am going to pray that God will send you someone who can watch B and stay the night. It would be amazing for both you and J to get a good nights sleep.

    Praying for rest for all of you tonight.

  2. January 2, 2010 10:31 pm

    love that you quoted friends. glad i’m not the only one who watches it way too much. i’ll be praying that you, b and j get much needed sleep this week. i loved the part about how he babbled mama…so adorable.

    • January 3, 2010 10:55 am

      he was cracking me up b/c he’d wait until i walked away from the crib and got back in bed and then he’d start again with MAMAMAMAMAMAMA!

  3. Jennbenn2 permalink
    January 3, 2010 9:58 am

    Ha!!! I Love reading your blogs!! You have a ‘way’ with words.. :). And I LOVE Friends too. That show always gives me a good laugh.. I think that it is good to share your feelings… No sleep is very hard on a person…. I had a baby in 2009, so see you do know someone…

    • January 3, 2010 10:54 am

      that’s right! i kept racking my brain thinking there HAD to be someone i knew that had a baby. sorry!

  4. Shannon Caps permalink
    January 3, 2010 9:00 pm

    I have to say I totally understand where you are coming from. I was in that same room right before you were with my son going through the same thing. We are at home now waiting for our counts to come recover for our next round of chemo. No one realize just how hard it is, or the extent of “no sleep”, until they have actually been there. You explained it to a T. It is truely amazing how a person can fucntion with no sleep, but when they have to they can. My son was moved back to the PICU on two different occassions and we actually slept got sleep while he was there, so I know the what you mean about wanting a PICU nurse. Brock and your family are in our prayers nightly. I hope you and your husband get some well needed rest.

  5. Sherri permalink
    January 3, 2010 9:35 pm

    V, I just read your post! I think you have a great way with words and will keep coming back to see what you have written!

    I rewatched your Glee clip and It is one of the best! I cannot wait for the next season to start!

    Hope tonight and the rest of your nights go better!

  6. Donna permalink
    January 3, 2010 11:19 pm

    Way to go, Vanessa!! Great post. Hope you have recovered from that sleepless night. Isn’t it amazing how a kid so young and so sick still knows how to play games with his mama? They are born so smart and clever, we don’t even have a clue what all is going on in those little heads!

  7. Julie permalink
    January 4, 2010 5:44 am

    Vanessa you don’t give yourself enough credit! You may be a math girl but God has gifted you with a way with words that touches people’s hearts! I cried on every post even your 2009/2010 post haha! I also wanted you to know that I have never once seen you look ‘frumpy’. I would also be honored to be the picu nurse who stays up with Brock all night playing! I love your family so much! Praying for everyone of you!

  8. Shannon permalink
    January 4, 2010 8:40 pm

    Vanessa – I had to laugh reading this blog, although I am sure you were so ready for sleep while it was going on. Your humor in your writing is great, and I think laughter is what gets us thru these hard times(and of course, God). Brock is lucky to have such a great family! I pray everyday, several times a day, for you all & Brock.

  9. angela permalink
    January 4, 2010 10:23 pm

    V I agree with the others…you have a gift in writing. I love reading what your write it all so positive and encouraging. Maybe when B gets home and is good and healthy again you can write a book about your family’s trial time in life and what you gained from it. I do not know you personally, my sister does, but thru reading your blogs and updates on caringbridge I feel like I have know you and the family forever. Keep up the good spirits you are making your way in to some many hearts. God bless you.

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